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“How many have laid waste to your life when you weren’t aware of what you were losing, how much was wasted in pointless grief, foolish joy, greedy desire, and social amusements — how little of your own was left to you. You will realize you are dying before your time!”

— Seneca, On the Brevity of Life

Learning to say no has been a real journey for me. I was programmed at an early age to please others. That’s the easy way. I choose the harder way. I’ve been practicing saying no for several decades. It gets easier as I practice.

I’m going into 2017 with several goals in mind. One of them, and this one runs across years and decades, is to become a bit more thoughtful. I want to grow my mental real estate. Practicing saying no is a huge part of that. There are so many distractions. So many people who would love to waste my time, energy, and finances with ‘stuff’ that I will ultimately find unfulfilling and of little value. I might enjoy some of the things I’m offered in the moment, and that’s not a sin. However, if I reach the end of my life only to realize that I haven’t used my time wisely, I believe that I will die an unforgiven sinner. I believe I’ll have regrets at the end. When it’s too late to change the story.

There are 8,760 hours in this year. Some of them are already gone. I’ve spent some of them thinking about finishing my debut novel, a few pecking at the keys and searching for the words. I’m spent some of them thinking about my health. I’ve spent a lot of them reading about the way the Stoics approached life. I’m committed to the things that matter this year. Personal mental growth, storytelling, and being a thoughtful partner are my top three priorities.

I’m not arrogant enough to believe I matter that much to very many people. I’m not sure I’d want the burdens that go along with celebrity. However, if you choose to join me for a few moments or hours during the coming year, either as a reader, friend or casual stranger who arrives by accident of circumstance, I hope you’ll take the time to stop what you’re doing and give the idea that ruthlessness can be a good thing some of your mental real estate.

Learning how to say no is a critical skill. Learning the value of your time, which is actually the currency of your life, is paramount to making the journey worthwhile. It is your life and I hope you will live it like you matter. Wishing you a thoughtful and joyous 2017.

Be ruthless to the things that don’t matter.

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

To my friends who may be worried about the future. You have more power than you know. The incoming orange president has only the power you are willing to give him. Be not afraid but rather draw your tribe closer around you and remember that whatever happens you are the only one in charge of your mind. Donald J. Trump once said that “what separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate.” He’s exactly right, even if he isn’t approaching life from a stoic point of view.

You are in charge of yourself and that’s enough to make of life exactly what you want to make of it. No one but you is in control of your own operating system.

The world you inhabit isn’t about anyone you don’t choose to include in it. This may sound complicated, but it is only as complicated as you make it. Even if you’re incarcerated, you are in control of your mind, and that’s the part of you where reality happens.

The ancient Greeks who came up with the philosophy of Stoicism didn’t know as much as we do about the nature of the universe. They might have known more than we 21st century denizens know about living the good life. They believed in understanding and then facing the obstacles life threw at them. Epictetus, one of the most prominent Stoics, was born a slave. He believed that everything good in our lives starts within ourselves. In his way of seeing the world, nothing external can make us feel anything, and it is only what we tell ourselves about the world around us that results in our emotional reactions.

For my readers, many of whom are also my friends, I give you these principles to contemplate:

Acknowledge that all emotions come from within
Find someone you respect, and use them to stay honest
Understand that failure is the path to growth and later triumphs
Read with purpose
Learn to be brutally honest, starting with yourself
Understand what you spend most of your time doing, and understand what value is returned
Use that knowledge to avoid procrastination
Be present in the present
Remember that time is the most valuable finite resource you have

Source of this list

In 2017, I intend to write weekly on this website about the Stoic philosophy, and what I’m learning from exploring it. I hope you will join me. Let’s grow together as we explore the wisdom of the past to exert the self-control that is fundamental to growth and success in life.